In a strange position looking for acceptance from both sides. Torn between conforming to either.

(we are having welcome dinner at one of the best breweries in the Czech Republic. Like the Beijing trip, there is one that doesn’t drink)

So much bread.

Can’t keep from comparing Prague to Beijing.

So far, Beijing is winning.

Just celebrated senior graduation with the Filipino club. 

Really made me reflect on my experience here at NYU.

It also shattered some of my realities/fantasies.

Asshole. Invites us to this thing, though we barely know anyone. That’s nice and all, except that he disappears and I’m left to fend for myself. This is your community, understandable. But I’m a guest, and have no idea what is going on, and already feel unwelcome… Maybe that was my fault; I should have left.

Scratch that.

I shouldn’t even have gone. What was I even expecting to happen?

Rolo barely got any recognition because he doesn’t go to many of these events. Pawi was the bro in the back of the room making snarky outsider comments.

Pregamed with the seniors cus P left. So they all lookin at me like who is this girl? I guess it wasn’t too bad cus they’re real friendly, but it still felt like I was intruding.

The only good thing may have been that Rolo shared some of his troubles on the way to the party. I was happy that he was sharing this information with me.

Get there, do a “passback” where I use someone else’s ID. They didn’t really care in the first place. But Cy was all drunk and yelling all this stuff right in front of the bouncers. Oh Cy. He’s apparently really old. Rolo got me Juni’s ID.

Got in and it was loud and met some people which is fine. Paw walks in like a fool. 

Roland gets will his second choice.

Dan being evasive.

Katie dancing with peeps like it ain’t nothing…

Pawi no where to be found.

Son not coming. Royce not coming.

Where the poop did everyone go?

Leave with Dan and Antony. Their whispering is what starts me wondering what the heck is going on. And feeling like an outsider. Drop off Patrick, get in a cab. Talk about “why did Pawi invite Mochi?” And I ask if they broke up and all these fishy things. Didn’t get very far. Dan paid for the cab.

One more thing: P knowing how asshole-y he is… idk if that helps or makes it worse. Very self-righteous.

Thus, Filgrad was very intersting. I learned a lot:

1. Cy is old.

2. Rolo likes (undisclosed information).

3. P and M broke up.

4. It’s ok for taken guys to be dancing like THAT.

5. P is an asshole.

6. Grey Goose tastes like rubbing alcohol.

7. Passbacks

make me feel like I’m viewing fanfic photos. 

It’s like a giant shipdom of high-school peeps. Why they do that.

Did I mention I’m going to Prague this summer? Help me figure out where I should visit after the program!

Failing at applying for internships.

Failing at Chinese.

Losing things… still. Where the freak now is  my OTHER USB?

- This is a really really bad build-up… I don’t even know where to start.

- The physical state of my room properly reflects my mental state. And because my room is in the state that it is, I’m going even more mental.

- Like where did that SAG form go? And how did my entire ID lanyard break? Why does my computer keep shutting down? How did this new mouse usb plug break so fast? Why do none of my socks match? When did that poster fall down? And where is that STUPID 32GB?

- Gary gave me a “you’re late” phone call, but I was already in the studio by that time! Oh Gary. All the props were missing from the studio. And although my friend is a lovely person, I did not appreciate being bossed around like I had never arted the studio before (girl please, I’m the prop MASTER). That’s something that my stubborn, stressed out self could not handle, and thus resulted in an inappropriate amount of gloating every time I turned out to be correct. Boo, bad self, bad.

- Spent all of today shopping for props. I need to learn how to shop faster. Especially since we plan on returning everything anyways.

- Kmart Experience 1: Cashier was really nice. He got my $5 for spending $50+,and got my $ on my rewards card, and we chatted about how he wants to transfer from CUNY to NYU.

- vs. Kmart Experience 2: Cashier almost successfully tricks me into getting a Sears credit card. 

- Even better experience: glad I stopped by Subway. Not the usual one. And not the usual sandwich. Asian cashier didn’t give me the stank eye when I handed him my gift card, and helped me combine all my points. Asked if I was Korean.

- The Jubilee Project and The Supply had a panel here today, and I thought it was going to be a big deal, but the room wasn’t even half full. My friend couldn’t make it, so I ended up sitting awkwardly on my own. Not that I’m not ok with sitting alone, it’s how people think that I’m not ok. The frosh rep approaches me and tries to force a conversation. And because of this, I feel like I should feel awkward. And thus, it was awkward.

- Jubilee was great though. When I talked with him afterwards, he was genuinely interested in my story, and I was genuinely able to say I was inspired.

- It seems Asians are really into lens flare.

- Finally, FINALLY officially “met” Ben. And Yuji. Sorta.

- Spent 2 hours in FedEx office printing things. Stupid.

- Headed over to Lafayette to Dennis and Son’s room for the first time. It’s such a weird format. Forgot about the business portion and just played cards with Son Shirley and Gallant.

- Really want to do the moon scene from It’s a Wonderful Life for my studio final, but having so many issues with figuring out how to place the scene indoors to fit our studio. The tone is just… different.

- Found out that it wasn’t too late to apply for summer abroad. Seeing as I’m waitlisted for the fall, I’m really considering just taking half the summer in Prague. Not sure if this is a good move though. $$$, and I’m not ready to direct my own movie, and I think I’d rather do that with my Mochi Crew? And idk if I’d direct or DP.

- I’m being a horrible person. I need to pull myself together.

- Helped my friend cast for the Wild Thornberrys the other day. I got to read the part of Nigel.

- “Blue”- Big Bang, acoustic/beatbox cover

It’s very strange. Usually I have a plan. Sometimes, even too many plans.

But as it seems, I did not plan for this thoroughly.

The past few weeks have just been going by without thought, and because of this, I’m stuck here without a proper idea of where I should be heading.

Prague nor BBC went through, so now I’m faced with class registration. Usually, I just refer to the handy dandy excel sheet I made all those semesters ago. But now, I don’t know what to take.

And because I wasn’t really planning (or rather, trying to “secret” it) on being here next semester, I just haphazardly filled out the housing form. But now that I think about it, I might be stuck in one of the farthest dorms in an exploration floor without any idea of who my roommates will be.

Should have applied to summer study abroad as back-up. No idea why I didn’t do that.

Should have also applied to be a Summer Assistant, as they get free board and food.

But it might be too late to apply for summer internships anyhow.

Haven’t sent thank you emails to the panellists from the event 3 weeks ago.

Running low on meal swipes.

No idea where my new 32GB USB drive is.

And thus cannot transfer these files I need to send my actors from my Mac only external to my dying PC (which should have been swapped for a Mac a long time ago).

I’ve improperly entered my third decade.

At least these Big Bang global cover contest videos are really amusing.

On the bus and oh man the car sickness.

Ate a ton of Indian food this weekend, and got to get a taste of the quaint New England spirit.

Such an awkward human being

So much work to do. Including cover letters auflfahgl jobs.

Study abroad disappointment, but there’s still hope.

Mochi is on the rise! We surpassed our goal for YouTube views so I’m excited and proud.

I feel like I already have a job with this production company.

Poor life choices all around

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1723309608/wake-0

Check it out spread the word donate :)

Listened to Skrillex for the first time. Got me thinking:

- Editing for music videos

- Producing for TV

- Cinematography for films

would be fun to do.

Proof of magic in Mexico.

Del Paifio, Bucerias, Nayarit, Mexico

These 12 hour days are getting a little ridiculous. I don’t even know what day it is anymore.

Another fateful chain of events:

2 hours before the meeting, either go home or stay here. Decided to study in Kimmel. Approached by Korean girls WITH THE SAME CHRISTIANITY PAMPHLET I WAS ATTACKED WITH 2 YEARS AGO BY PETER JUNIOR BOY’S GRANDMOTHER IN THE STUDENT PARKING LOT. I played along, and gave her feedback. It was cute. Not 5 minutes later, boys from the same fellowship come up and ask for my minute… “Sorry, Angie already got to me.”

But right, the chain of events. Pawi comes in cus he also has weird breaks, and yeah hey I’m also going to that marketing panel in an hour, except after my asian meeting, and oh a Mochi Prod meeting, yeah sure I’ll come.

And so run there after my meeting, sit next my friend, good thing it hasn’t started yet, say hey, let’s sit next to Pawi.

And we do, and listen to a long lecture about how this guy marketed this doc about spirituality.

I switch out 3 pens before deciding to use the INTERNSUSHI pen I just put into the pencil pouch.

Afterwards, we go for food, he’s all hey are you going to the mochi meeting, I was thinking that you should be the social media director because you’re with internsushi, so you should be good at this stuff. I lamely tell him that that means nothing, and guffaw. Really need to work on showing appreciation. And to stop putting myself down in front of people… “dangit,” I’m thinking, “I just lost my position.”

But we go to dinner and it was sorta awkward but we had a good convo about IB and Batman movies.

Walking in rain, tells me the story about Addie the shoe. His competitive nature and the pretentious film kids.

Everyone finally comes, and we talk. He had this planned man, knew what he wanted. Select few people were here, and I was sorta surprised by the choices. The people that were left out, and still the fact that I was included.

Basically, it goes like this: Mochi Productions is going to get up on its feet as an official business, and all that were in attendance today would make up the board of directors: Pawi, Gwen, Son, Royce, Dante, Fang?, Dennis, +Dom in Prague.

When asked what I wanted to be (in film), I feel like such a noob, and just say the safe choice of producing. If I tell big brothers anything more technical, I have nothing to prove for it, so we’ll let it be for now.

For some reason, Fang thought I wanted to do sound. And Pawi thought I wanted to do art.

Sometimes, being a natural foil is bad—- scepticism over leadership abilities.

I’m still really honored that he considers me part of the core…. cus I haven’t had any major roles… and I’m just a wee sophomore. Now I really have a need to prove myself.

Otherwise, what am I going to put on my official Mochi business card? :)

Took a break today, and I’m not even guilty.

Too bad I ate half a package of coconut wafers.

Endless week. 12 hours days, it feels productive but man does it get tiring.

Finally caught up on those e-mails.

Did auditions on Thursday, and boy am I an awkward director.

Production meeting today, and felt useful for having helpful ideas. Not so helpful: not having read the script yet. Whoops.

Watching a lot of “How I Met Your Mother.” It’s good example of camera movement for a studio recording.

Confidence boost on Friday when I did a bunch of complicated camera movements (as exampled in HIMYM) and launched the start of the little easter egg of Studio A—— all our scenes will include this little wooden bunny. Adorbs. 

“You just put your baby down.”

Hung out with Shefali for the first time in a week+. Talked about her family history, and relationships, and other such personal topics, philosophizing and psychoanalyzing single paranthood and arranged marriages and first times and Big Bang.

This is clever too:

http://www.bon-rappetite.com/#menu

So I cross reference her with another film friend, and it turns out this friend is actually interested in Asian club stuff, and that the Asian club friend wants to reform Asian representation in media.

Ok, not only is that exactly what I want to do, WHY IS IT THAT I DIDN’T KNOW THIS EARLIER?

He went to the conference I wanted to attend. THE WORLD. IT MAKES NO SENSE.

Now deciding on how to go about interjecting this tidbit of important bond-making information without exposing my stalker tendencies.

Spent the last two days doing Tisch 48—- in 48 hours, make a 3 minute short that includes the required items.

Anyhow, found out my Asian club friend was coming to the shoot because she’s interested in screenwriting. Had a mind blowing moment when those two worlds came together, but it’s cool, whatevs, they know each other cus of a dorming situation way back when.

On the train ride back, errbody be giving the director these looks, and hoots and hollers. I had my suspicions but hark, here it was plain and clear. Yes, there was something something going on between the director and the Asian club friend.

And so when I returned I had to facebook stalk their relationship, and they’ve only been friends since… the AATA Film Screening.

AATA, the club I was once one of the only consistent members of.

The Film screening in where she asked me for student films to screen, and in which I recommended a few friends.

Those student filmmakers being the ones I was on set with today.

I JUST FIGURED OUT THEY’RE ALL FRIENDS BECAUSE OF ME. AND THAT THE GIRL THEY’VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT THIS WHOLE TIME WAS HER NO WONDER HE WANTED TO GO TO THAT ASIAN CLUB IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW I SHOULD GET A MEDAL FOR MAKING MAGIC HAPPEN BUT NO THIS WON’T HAPPEN BECAUSE THEY DON’T KNOW THE FACTS. THEY DON’T KNOW.